


Kintsugi

by emilyevanston



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Anal Sex, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Deaf Clint Barton, Double Penetration, F/M, Frottage, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Oral Sex, Polyamory, Rape Aftermath, Slow Burn, Smut, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-12
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2019-06-26 02:49:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15654198
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyevanston/pseuds/emilyevanston
Summary: When you finally snap out of the mind control of the Winter Soldier Program, you feel guilty and broken.  There are two men who know that exact feeling.  While they aren’t the people they used to be, the people they are becoming with each other is something you find beauty in.





	1. Chapter 1

The memories are hazy, like looking through a frosted mirror.  You can remember before HYDRA.  Playing with the neighborhood children in the street.  Feeding your dog.  Doing math homework.  The way your parents looked when they smiled.  The sounds of them fighting.

Then there is nothing for a long time.  Years and years of feeling like a passenger in your own body.  Where you would fight and fight to get back control from this other - thing - and all you could do was watch as your body was used and defiled.  How you were given as a gift or pointed like a weapon.  The murders were worse.  The other stuff was just a further example of how your body wasn’t yours anymore.  They took it from you.  You just turned away and let it happen.  But when they made you take a life, they always made it happen up close.  So you could feel their pulse slow under your fingers.  You could hear each ragged breath in and out as you crushed their windpipe.  You let them claw at you.  Marking your body so it was as ugly as you felt.  It didn’t matter.  It never lasted.  They knew that.  That’s why they allowed you that extra pain.

The fog lifts and is replaced by blood.  It’s everywhere.  It runs down your skin and soaks through your clothes.  It spreads around you, pouring from the bodies laid out around you.  The bodies of men, women, and children you had just brutally slaughtered.

There is pain too.  The physical hits you first.  When the fog lifts it’s just replaced with bone searing pain.  You fall to your knees and scream, and as it burns through you, you realize what this means.  You’re yourself and either you stay yourself and you have to live with what they’ve made you do, or they find you and force you back into the fog and continue torturing you.

While your screams turn to wracking sobs the room fills with people.  You look up at them hoping they can take this pain away from you and knowing the only way they could do that was to kill you.  You recognize them but in a vague way.  In the ‘I’m supposed to kill these people on site’ way.   Except for the one who had flanked you to the left.  You recognize him.  The long dark hair.  The body armor made of leather straps much like your own.  The metal arm.  He was a winter soldier like you.  The prototype.

The tall blond in front of you looks down at you with pity in his eyes, but he doesn’t drop his defensive stance, holding his star-emblazoned shield in front of him.  “Who are you?  What happened here?”

You reach forward to him and the Winter Soldier raises his gun.  “She’s a Winter Soldier, Steve.  Early one.  Like me.”

Steve looked from the Soldier to you.  “You did this?”

“I - I … please, oh god.”  You cry.  Your voice comes out harsh and quiet from a lack of use.  It has been a long time since you’ve needed to speak, and all your voice has been used for is screaming in pain as they wiped you again and again.

You see the soldier glance over to a sandy blond man who has a bow and arrow trained on you.  The archer furrows his brow as he looks at you and nods lowering his bow.  “You’re safe.”   He says softly, putting the arrow back into his quiver.   He crouches down and holds out his hand to you.  “We won’t let them get to you.”

“Clint,”  Steve warns, taking a step towards you.

The man named Clint holds up his hand up, gesturing to Steve to stay back.  Steve falters and you fall into Clint’s arms and just start sobbing.  Your whole body shakes with it.  He very slowly and tentatively closes his arms around you, giving you time so you don’t panic or lash out.  You don’t, you just let him hold you as you sob against his chest.

The soldier came up behind you and crouched down as Steve barked some orders into the comms.  “My names, Bucky.”  He said, putting his hand on your shoulder.  “Do you remember me?”

You nod.  “You’re the Winter Soldier.”

“Will you come with us quietly?”  He asks.

“The children.  I murdered them all.   I don’t even know why they wanted me to do that.  You should just take me out.”  You cry and your arms tighten around Clint.  He rubs your back in soothing circles.

“You can’t undo it.  But come with us.  You might be able to try and stop it from happening again.”   Bucky says.

They take you back to the compound cuffed.  Both Clint and Bucky argue for you, but you don’t resist.  You come along passively as you always did, only now you feel more in control of it.  You’re passive, not just your body.

They allow you to shower in the compound but the one they call Wanda stands at the door.  She seems so small and fragile, so you assume she must house a power greater than yours.  Not that you would have tried anything anyway.

You can’t seem to get the water hot enough to get clean.  It scalds your skin and relish it.  You sob under the stream until Wanda comes and tells you it was time to get out.

After that, you become a prisoner in the tower for a time.  They were trying to work you out.  Find out who you were.  If you were still a risk.  If the crimes you had committed were you or what they made you.   You wanted to be punished for them, begged for it.  Which only seems to prolong the decision.

“They’re not going to send you away, you know?”  Bucky steps out of the shadows as Clint is leading you back to your cell after yet another hearing.

“But I did it.  I did all of it.”  You mutter.  “Why won’t they see that?”

“You think I don’t know that?  I was a Winter Soldier too.  They’re just going to tell you it wasn’t you and you weren’t in control.”  Bucky growls.

Clint’s gaze snaps to Bucky.  “Take it easy, Buck.”

“She needs to know what’s going to happen.  She needs to figure out her own way to come to terms with what she did.”  Bucky says.

Clint opens his mouth to say something and then closes it.  “What no smart ass reply?”  Bucky asks.

Clint pushes the door to your cell open and nods you inside.  “Come on, Buck.  You know I know what it’s like too.”

You look at Clint as you step through the door.  “You too?”

He nods and drops his gaze.  “They were friends.  They had families.  They keep telling me it wasn’t me.  It was.  I just couldn’t stop it.”

You put your hand on his forearm and stroke your thumb along it.  At the same time, Bucky puts his arm around Clint’s shoulders.  For a second Clint leans into Bucky, seeking out comfort.  It doesn’t last.  He shakes his head and pushes him away.  “God, when did you get to be such a sap?”

It soon became clear that Bucky was right.  You were cleared of all crime.  It wasn’t you, it was them.  You were a weapon.  A puppet.  You had no control.  None of that helped the fact you could still taste their blood in your mouth.  Or the fact you still remembered what it felt like to crush a person’s windpipe in your hand.  It definitely didn’t help the fact you woke in your new room, with all its soft furnishings and creature comforts, screaming and gasping for breath.

What did help was when Clint or Bucky held you.  It was a week after you were moved from a cell to a room and told you were free to go if chose before one of them heard your screams.  Clint noticed first.  He jumped down out of the vents and you were so disoriented and terrified that it didn’t even strike you as weird he was up there.

He’d approached you slowly making a shushing noise.  You’d started when he touched your arm and then reached for him.  He’d held you, telling you, you were safe.  That they’d never control you again.

Bucky came in two days later.  He came through your door wearing only a pair of pajama pants.  He was quick to your side repeating your name over and over.  Telling you that you are you and not the soldier.  He’d climbed in under the covers and kept just whispering your name until you drifted back off.

It helped.  A little too well.  You started to wonder how you were going to exist without them.  Your feelings were getting confused.  You didn’t know if you loved them or you needed them and if you did love them, was it just because they were friends who seemed to genuinely care for you, or was it more?

Not that it mattered.  There was something else that was becoming quite obvious.  Bucky and Clint were together.

They didn’t flaunt that they were.  Though they weren’t exactly hiding it either.  You never saw them kissing, though sometimes one would take the others hand, or they’d lean against each other.  Once you had discovered them in the hall, Bucky had Clint pressed up against the wall and their foreheads pressed together.  When they’d spotted you, Clint ducked away under Bucky’s arm and made a joke about small spaces.

Months passed and sleep still alluded you when you were left alone.  One night they both show up.  Bucky is already curled around you, soothing you from your nightmare when Clint came in.

“Sorry.  Thought it was my night.”  He says, taking a step back.

Bucky shook his head and beckoned him over.  “There’s room for three.”

Clint looks back over his shoulder and closes the door.  He climbs into bed and spoons you from the other side.

“You take turns?”  You whisper.

“One of us might as well sleep,”  Clint replies.

“Maybe we all can tonight?”  Bucky says softly.

Clint barks out a laugh. “That’s funny, Buckaroo.  I thought I was the funny one.”

“I don’t … you shouldn’t…” You stutter.

Bucky presses his lips to your head.  “Shh, doll.  We understand better than anyone else.  Just try and sleep.”

“Is that how you and Clint got together?”  You ask.

“Hey!  Woah!  We’re not…”  Clint protests.

“Clint.”  Bucky scolds.

Clint groans.  “Fine.  Yes.  No.”

“What the idiot bird is trying to say is it’s how we got together.  It’s not the only reason we are.”  Bucky says.  “No one else really gets it.  Tasha does a little, but not that total loss of control.  We get each other.”

“Plus, I really like tall, dark and surly,”  Clint says.

“Why the big secret?”  You ask.

Bucky reaches over and runs his hand along Clint’s jaw.  Clint looks from Bucky to you.  “I am shit at relationships.  I get self-destructive.  So you know, multiple levels of fucked up.”

“You’re fine,”  Bucky says and leans over you to kiss him.  It starts soft and gentle, but Clint deepens it, slipping his tongue into Bucky’s mouth.  His hand tightens on your hip.

You watch them kiss and run your hand up Bucky’s side.  He breaks the kiss and looks down at you.  “Sorry, doll.  Got carried away.  Let’s sleep.”

You nod and close your eyes, drifting off to sleep more confused than ever.


	2. Chapter 2

Bucky had been through a lot in his life.  More than most people.  He remembered that it seemed to start off alright.  He had a good family, an awesome sister.  Then he’d moved and met this little punk that he’d adored.  He was good at sport.  Girls liked him.  Some boys liked him.  

Then he enlisted in the army and everything that was good in his life was torn out of him piece by piece.  He was pulled apart and remade into something else.  Something he didn’t even recognize.  That happy-go-lucky kid he once was, was erased and replaced by something else.  He wasn’t a human being anymore.  He was a weapon.  An asset.

The worst part was he could see what they were doing.  They used the best parts of him and twisted them to suit them.  His need to protect was turned around so he was protecting the people he did the most harm to.  His loyalty to his friends and family became loyalty to his handlers and the mission.

Snapping out of it was the hardest thing he had ever done.  Anytime he came close to shaking it off they wiped him and rebuilt him again so he had to start from the beginning.  Then he’d seen Steve and somehow while he was fighting Steve he fought the thing that was stopping him from doing what was right anymore and when he dragged that little punk out of the water he’d run.

A lot had happened since that day.  It all boiled down to this though.  His mind was his, but he wasn’t him anymore.  He wasn’t that other thing either.  He was something else.  No one seemed to get that.  They didn’t get that every different iteration of James Buchanan Barnes was still him either.  They saw him as a broken version of the original Bucky that needed treating with kid gloves.

Sam was better than most.  He at least gave him shit and ragged on him.  What he didn’t seem to understand, or anyone else for that matter was that it was him.  He got tired of hearing it wasn’t him.  It was him.  They were all him.  It was true he had no control, but it didn’t take away that he could remember every single life he took.  He could remember how each one looked.  The way their blood had that scent of copper.  The way it looked when he choked someone and the life extinguished from their eyes.

They could tell him again and again and again that it wasn’t him.  That it wasn’t his fault but that didn’t change the fact that he remembered.  Nor that those people left family behind.  Like Howard and Maria Stark had Tony.   It didn’t change the fact he woke up in the middle of the night screaming and in a cold sweat plagued with the nightmares of it.

Then there was Clint and everything felt different.  Clint was annoying.  He seemed to do things specifically just to get on Bucky’s nerves.  Clint half-assed everything when he could.  It was like he’d put all his effort into getting to where he was right now and that was plenty for him.   Clint never took anything seriously.  It was like everything was a joke to him, regardless of how serious things were.  In fact, the more serious things were, the more of a joke he made them.

The thing was that even with all of that Clint got him.  He was a pain in the ass but he knew what Bucky was going through.  He knew the heart of the nightmares he was having.  He understood what it was like being you but being compelled to do things that you deplored.  To be torn apart and rebuilt.  He understood that Bucky had been three people now but they were all Bucky.  He never told Bucky that it wasn’t him.  He just told him he was gonna have to find a way to live with it because living with it was the only choice.

One night Bucky had woken screaming and Clint had dropped down out of the vent and held him down as he thrashed around repeating his name over and over like a mantra until Bucky had wrapped his arms around Clint and clung to him, breathing heavily and just glad he was there.

That was the first night Clint had slept in Bucky’s bed.   They had slept too.  The both of them.  Something that was rare.  So they kept doing it.  The first kiss they shared was over a month later.  They’d woken up pressed so tightly together and as Bucky raised his head it had felt right.  That that’s what he and Clint were, he’d leaned in just that small amount and Clint had bridged the distance.

After that, that mess of a man was his.  Maybe Clint Barton was annoying.  Maybe he half-assed things.  Maybe he never took anything seriously.  It didn’ matter, he was Bucky’s.  With Clint, Bucky felt like he could put himself together.  He slept through with Clint.  He made a plan to not let what happened to him happen to anyone else.  He was starting to feel complete again.  Not the same.  But whole.

Then you happened.  You who was so like he was.  Broken and terrified and so unsure of how you were going to live with this burden.  Bucky knew he’d failed, but he also knew in you there was hope for redemption, because if he could help you live, maybe he could too.

He and Clint had made an agreement, if you woke up with nightmares, they’d take turns helping you ground yourself again.  You had and each night they split apart and one would sleep with you.  They each suffered for it, and their rather private relationship started sneaking out into the public.  They touched more around each other.  Took moments in hallways to kiss.  It felt better in a way even with the lack of sleep.  More real.

The night they’d both shown up in your room at the same time something shifted again.  The way you’d spoken.  Your hands on his body as he’d kissed Clint.  It worried him.  Not because it felt wrong.  But because it had felt right.  In that moment he’d wanted to have you both.  Not just physically.  To be a unit.  Together.  Three people who shared a similar experience and were healing together.

He spent the next week or so brooding.  Not really engaging with anyone as he tried to sort out his feelings.  Clint gave him space until he didn’t anymore.  Jumping up on the couch behind him as he was sitting going over his thoughts one day.  His hands went to Bucky’s hair and he started braiding it.

“You think you might stop sulking today?”  He asked as his fingers worked over Bucky’s scalp.  Bucky scowled, knowing this was not Clint’s fault but still annoyed he was making light of it.  “Oh come on, grumpy.  It’s me.  Talk to me.”

“You’re not gay are you?”  Bucky asked.

Clint laughed. “What the hell?”

“I’m serious, Clint.” Bucky snapped.

“So am I.  We had sex last week.  So I repeat, what the hell?”

Bucky shook his head.  “Stop messing with my hair.”  He snarled.

Clint stopped and dropped down from the side of the couch.  He ran his hand up Bucky’s side and looked at him brow furrowed in concern.  “I seriously don’t understand what you’re asking me.  Please let this be some weird 40s language thing and you’re asking me if I’m happy because I’m starting to feel like you’re asking me if I’m about to leave you for a woman.”

Bucky looked at Clint feeling helpless.  “I mean, you’re not all the way gay right?  You do like dames too?”

Clint completely lost it laughing, he wrapped his arms around Bucky and held him as he rocked back and forth in hysterics.  “There’s a word for that.  It’s bi.  And yeah, Buck I’m bi.  Or maybe I’m pan?”   He stopped for a moment and thought.  “Yeah, that one.  I’m pan.  You having a sexual identity crisis, sweetheart?”

Bucky let out a shuddering breath.  “I don’t know.  I didn’t…  This … what we have back before.  I wouldn’t have done this.”

“You think HYDRA made you gay?”  Clint asked sitting back but holding Bucky’s hands in his.

“No.”  He said quickly.  “No. But the time.  Being gay was … you wouldn’t want to be out like that.  Not then.  And I did like women.”

“Oh right.  The ol’ there’s straight and there’s gay and I like women so I must be straight thing.”  Clint said.  “It’s all good, man.  Sometimes it can take a while to find that right label.  You don’t really need one if you don’t want.  You can just be Bucky.”

Bucky shook his head and dropped his eyes.  He couldn’t bring himself to meet the blue of Clint’s eyes when he was feeling the things he was right now.  “It’s not that.  Or it’s partly that or but not all of it.”

“Oh shit.  I thought you thought I was gonna leave you for a woman. It’s the other way around isn’t it?”  Clint said pulling back.  “I thought I’d be the one to fuck this up.  I always am the one to fuck these things up.”

“No!”  Bucky said lunging forward.  “No, Clint.  I swear.  I would never.”

“Then what?  Why won’t you look at me?”  Clint asked.

“Last week, when we were all in bed and I kissed you,”  Bucky all but whispered.

Clint pinched the bridge of his nose.  “Oh god.  Yeah, when she touched us.  I felt that too.  Don’t worry about it.  It was weird.  We’ll move on.”

Bucky didn’t say anything for a moment.  He just kept looking down and running his hands up and down Clint’s legs.  “I’m not sure I want to move on from it.”

Clint furrowed his brow.  “You wanna have a threeway?  I don’t think that’s a good idea.  She’s kind of a mess, Buck.  I think it would just make things confusing for her.”  Clint reasoned.  “We could maybe as Nat.  I think she might…”

“It’s not that,”  Bucky said cutting him off.  “I mean it’s a bit that.  But I know.  I know she’s vulnerable.  I don’t want to take advantage of her.”

“Then what?  What is it?  I’m really starting to freak out here.”  Clint said, his hand going to his chest.

“I want what we have… but with her,”  Bucky said.

Clint stared at him for a moment, his mouth opening and closing like a fish.  “I - right.  Fine.”  He stuttered, getting up.

Bucky reached for him sure Clint misunderstood what he was trying to say.  “I mean all of us, Clint.”

“Right.  I’m not enough.  I kinda knew it to be honest.  But it still hurts to hear.”  Clint said and stormed away.  Steve entered the room just as he was leaving and Clint pushed past him angrily.

Steve looked back at Clint and then at Bucky sitting on the couch.  “What’s going on?”

Bucky looked up, his eyes meeting Steve’s.  “I think I fucked up everything.”  He said.


	3. Chapter 3

Clint knew even as he pushed past Steve that he was overreacting.  Bucky was just trying to be honest with him.  Feelings were feelings you couldn’t help them.  He’d just wanted to talk.  Talking about feelings was always where Clint failed.  He could talk that was never the issue.  While Bucky was the strong silent type, Clint would take on forever with whatever random thought that popped into his head.  None of that was real though.  When thing for real, Clint usually bailed.

He knew as he was crawling up into the vents that he was just sabotaging things.  That he was punishing Bucky for something that he hadn’t even done.  He knew he should stop and go back.  He couldn’t seem to make himself, because really all that Bucky had done was remind him what a piece of shit he was.

The thing was he felt exactly the same and it felt wrong.  Not because he lived in a society where monogamy was pushed as the only way of having a relationship.  He’d known for a long time now that maybe it wasn’t for him.  Or at least he’d never really been able to make it work anyway.

You weren’t ready.  It would be taking advantage of a person in a vulnerable place and he’d already done that once with Bucky.  He’d seen a guy hurting, struggling with who he was and when he’d pushed for more Clint couldn’t say no.  Now it was happening again with you and Clint couldn’t be that person again, so instead of telling Bucky how he really felt he pushed it all onto his shoulders so it didn’t have to weigh Clint down anymore.

He sat brooding in the vent looking down at Bucky as he worked out his frustration in the gym.   He watched the muscles in Bucky’s back shift under his singlet as he pounded away at the heavy bag.  His mind fell back to the first time they’d had sex.  How they’d woken up curled into each other.  They’d woken not wanting to let the other go.

They’d started by just kissing.  They had done that a lot back then.  Kissing had felt right.  Both normal and forbidden.  Like they were stealing a little tenderness for themselves.  Making each other at least for a moment feel like they were normal people who could have love and intimacy and not people who had murdered innocent people.  

It was Bucky who had moved first.  His hand which had normally stayed above the waist hand slipped down into Clint’s boxers and wrapped around his cock.  It had felt so hot in comparison to the cold metal one that was pressed against the small of Clint’s back.  He wanted more.  Needed it and Bucky gave it willingly.  They’d gone slow, the world outside Clint’s bedroom ceased existing as the two of them.  It was just two lovers exploring each other and enjoying the feel of skin against skin.  The way Bucky moaned and whimpered and his muscles spasmed at Clint’s touch had made Clint feel special.  Trusted in a way few people seemed to trust him.  When Bucky slowly eased his cock inside Clint, as he looked into his eyes, he didn’t feel broken at all.

It was selfish to use Bucky when the man was still healing himself.  To drag you down the same path seemed unforgivable.

Over the next weeks, Clint completely withdrew.  He stopped talking to Bucky he stopped talking to you.  He returned to the functional depression he had become so used to.  Productive on a mission.  At home barely able to do more than drink enough to numb him and heat through food.

Natasha forced her way into his room after two weeks.  Fed up with the shattered mess the three of you had become again.  “Barton, where are you?”  She called as she picked up trash and gathered it into the one spot.  When he didn’t reply she groaned and moved into his room.

He lay on his back in the middle of his unmade bed staring at the ceiling.  A quarter filled bottle of Wild Turkey lay beside.  “Clint.”  Natasha groaned.

Clint didn’t move or acknowledge her.  Natasha picked up a pillow and threw it at him.  “Clint!”  She snapped.

Clint raised his head slowly and looked at her with bloodshot eyes.  “Fuck.  What Nat?”  He said, putting his hearing aids back in.

“You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”  She sighed, sitting down at the edge of the bed.  “And I know you don’t give a shit about yourself.  So how about you think about the two people who now seem to be in mourning out there.”

Clint groaned and dragged his hand down his face.  “I am thinking about them.  I’m only thinking about them.”

“Talk to me, birdbrain.  What is going through that head of yours right now?”  She pushed.

Clint groaned again and took another swig from the bottle in his hand.  “Me and Bucky.  We were kinda together.”  He said without looking her in the eye.

“Yeah, no shit.  And there was no kinda about it.  Everyone knows.”  Natasha said, nudging him.

“Awww no.  Really?”  Clint whined.  “We were trying to keep it on the down low.”

“So what are you doing?  Just gonna bail again like you always do?”  Natasha asked.

The blow was low, and Clint felt winded by it.  He lay back down and rolled onto his side away from Natasha.  “It’s not the same as normal.  Normally I get scared.”

Natasha lay down beside Clint and spooned him from behind.  “I’m not going anywhere until you spill, you know?”

Clint didn’t respond right away.  He just took the time to accept the comfort and the warm body against his.  “I shouldn’t have done it, Nat.  He was vulnerable.  I took advantage because it made me feel good.  But a decent person would have said it was too soon.  That he needed to heal more first.”

Natasha pressed her head to the back of Clint’s neck.  “Oh, you dummy.”  She said quietly.  “This isn’t what you think it is.  This isn’t someone taking advantage of another person who is weak.   That shit is wrong.  It’s unhealthy.  The weak person never gets strength because the strong one gets off on their weakness.  They use it to hold them in place and keep them passive.”   She explained.  “You and Bucky recognized each other.  You saw someone else who was hurt the same way as you and you took comfort in that recognition.  And then you used it to heal.  You were both getting better.”

“But everything he’s been through.  What they did to him.”  Clint argued.

“I know.  I was there for some of it.  It was awful, Clint.  He was treated like an animal.  But now he has us.  And you specifically.  And there’s someone else who needs you too.  Don’t punish her because you’re a dummy.”  Natasha said.

“But Bucky wants her.  Us.  I don’t know.  It feels wrong.  But I see it too.  We can’t do that.”  Clint babbled.

Natasha let out another sigh.  “You can’t let the world tell you how to heal.  You’re not an asshole and you don’t take advantage of people.  But let her make her own choices.  You’re not about to force it on her right?”

“Oh god, no,”  Clint said.  “I just … don’t you think it’s weird?  Or would be too confusing for her?  What if she ends up doing something she regrets because she’s still so used to people using her as a puppet?”

Natasha ran her fingers through his hair.  “Go patch things up with Bucky first.  Maybe you’re right.  But you know it was working with him.  Don’t punish him for speaking the feelings you were having.”

Clint sat up.  “Yeah.  I should talk to him.”  He looked at Natasha.  “How do you do that exactly?”

Natasha laughed.  “Well, first you go take a shower.  You stink.”

Clint jumped off the bed and headed straight to the bathroom.  He stopped at the door and turned back to Natasha.  “Thanks, Nat.   I owe you.”

“I’ll add it to the list.”  She said.

When Clint was clean and had shaved and dressed he went looking for Bucky.   After checking the gym and common area Clint tried his room.  He knocked and waited a moment.  “It’s open.”  Came the gruff reply from inside.

Clint let himself in.  Bucky’s place, normally a little more lived in, was now spotless.  Bucky had just stepped out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist.  He was drying his hair with another towel when he saw Clint and froze.

“I didn’t think you actually washed your hair.”  Clint teased.

Bucky rolled his eyes.  “You’re really funny, Clint.”  He snarked.  “Why are you here?”

“To apologize,”  Clint answered.  “Win you back?”

Bucky flopped down on the couch.  “I’m listening.”

Clint took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.  “I’m really bad at this.”  He said rubbing his head.  “Look.  I got it in my head that I was taking advantage of you.  That you wouldn’t be with me if you weren’t feeling so vulnerable.  Then when you… and I feel it too you know… but she’s so vulnerable.  It made me feel guilty and I thought it would be better for you if I left you alone.  But I’m also an asshole, so I made sure you felt guilty about it.”

Bucky looked up at him blinking.

“Say something.”  Clint pressed.

“You’re an asshole, you know that?”  Bucky said.

“Yeah, I know.”

“A dumb, fucking asshole.”

Clint nodded and looked down at his feet.

“I love you, you fucking idiot.”  Bucky snapped.

Clint looked up at him, startled.  “I - you are… what?”

“I said I love you,”  Bucky repeated, signing the words as he said them.

“I’m sorry,”  Clint mumbled as Bucky approached him.

Bucky wrapped his arms around the blond.  “That was one of your allocated fuck-ups.”

“How many do I get?”  Clint asked looking up into Bucky’s eyes.

“I’ll decide when it happens,”  Bucky answered bringing his lips to Clint’s.  Clint wrapped his arms around Bucky’s neck and pulled his body tightly against him.

Bucky pulled back gently and rested his forehead against Clint’s.  “I feel complete when you look at me, Clint.  Do you understand that?”

Clint swallowed.  “Yes.  I feel the same way with you.”

“You didn’t take advantage of me.  I knew what I wanted.”

“What do you want?”  Clint asked as his hands trailed up Bucky’s midriff.

“I want you,”  Bucky growled and pushed him back against the wall kissing him hard.  Clint wrapped a let around Bucky’s waist drawing him a little closer and making Bucky’s towel drop to the floor.  Bucky picked him up, their lips never parting from each other and carried the archer to his bedroom.  He dropped him on the bed and as Clint pulled his shirt up over his head Bucky worked at getting his pants down.  Bucky climbed up over Clint placing wet, sloppy kisses over his chest and stomach as his cool steel fingers closed around his cock.

“Uf… fuck… Buck.”  Clint groaned scrambling one hand above him trying to reach the bedside table as he ran the other down and gripped Bucky’s cock.

The two of them brought their cocks together and linked their fingers as they stroked them in tandem.  The muscles in Clint’s stomach pulled tight as a shudder ran up his spine.

“Fuck… fuck.”  Clint cursed still reaching above him.

“What are you trying to do?”  Bucky asked reaching above him and grabbing the lube.

“That.  Fuck Buck.  I need you.”  He pleaded.

“You’re kinda impatient you know?”  Bucky teased as he squirted lube onto his hand.  He closed it around both of their shafts again slowly pumping it and spreading the lube around.  “How do you need me, Clint?”

“I - uh… “ Clint whined his hips jerking up under Bucky.

Bucky leaned down bringing his lips to Clint’s ear.  “How do you want me, Clint?”  He whispered.

Clint swallowed, tilting his head.  The words had come in a little hard to discern, but he knew them nonetheless.  “Inside me.  Fuck me.”  He groaned his hips jerking up again.

Bucky nodded and shifted his position, so he was between Clint’s legs, he pushed Clint’s legs up and back leaning down and kissing him as he slowly guided his cock into Clint’s ass.

Clint moaned against Bucky’s lips, wrapping his arms around Bucky’s back and clinging to him.  Bucky’s cock stretched and filled him.  It pushed against Clint’s prostate sending a delicious tingle through his abdomen.  “Oh god.  Fuck.  I’m sorry, Buck.”

“I know,”  Bucky said and started to thrust.  The two men moved together.  Neither staying quiet.  Everything is forgotten except for each other and the pleasure they can share.  Clint begins to babble.  Cursing and begging Bucky.  He bites into his shoulder trying to stop from screaming out as he nears his release.  Bucky put his hand on Clint’s shoulder leveraging himself as he pushed deep into Clint.

“You gonna come, sweetheart?”  Bucky groaned.

“Yes, fuck yes.  Buck!”

“Come for me.”  He growled.

Clint’s muscles seized and his cock jumped before spilling over his stomach in ribbons.  Bucky kissed him hard again pulling out of Clint’s ass and coming too, their fluids mixing together on Clint’s skin.  They kept kissing as Bucky lay down on his side beside Clint.

They slowly eased off and broke apart and Bucky grabbed some wipes from his bedside table.  “Don’t ever do that to me again.”  He said as he gently cleaned Clint up.

“I won’t,”  Clint replied.

Bucky wrapped him in his arms and rested his chin on the top of his head.  “You think we’ll be okay?”

“Dunno.  Hopefully.”  Clint answered.

Bucky sighed and closed his eyes.  “Try and get some sleep.”

Slowly they both drifted off.  Feeling safe and real in each other’s arms once again.  At around one, you woke screaming and the both startled awake.  “You go,”  Bucky whispered.  “She thinks she did something.  You need to fix it.”

Clint got up and looked back at Bucky.  “Both of us.  We’re a team.”

Bucky smiled and climbed out of bed too and the two men went down the hall to find you.


	4. Chapter 4

Being shattered while you’re just starting to piece yourself back together is soul crushing. It doesn’t hurt so much as make you feel numb. A feeling of hopelessness falls on you and the will to continue trying becomes difficult to find.

That is what it felt like when Clint stopped coming around.

You hated yourself for your reaction to him not showing up anymore. Your getting better shouldn’t be hinged on anyone but yourself. Yet him being around had helped. It helped you to accept that there was no undoing the past. That what had happened to you didn’t make you unlovable. That though they had made your shell a monster, the core of who you were was not that thing.

Then he ran and you doubted if any of it was true at all. Maybe you were the monster they made you. Maybe you weren’t meant to be around other people.

Bucky had done his best. He was hurt more than you. With Bucky, he’d lost a relationship too. Rather than accepting the solace, he offered you blamed yourself for taking that from them too. It had to be your fault after all. Before you, they were happy. After you, Clint left.

Your nightmares became worse, even with Bucky there to hold you. You kept returning to the night you broke free of HYDRA and surrounded by the corpses of families with young children and drenched in their blood. It always took Bucky much longer to soothe you back off to sleep. The taste of copper in your mouth never seemed to go away.

When Bucky didn’t show up one night when you were getting ready for bed you started worrying he’d realized too. That whatever he’d thought he could see in you wasn’t really there at all. It was more hope than actual evidence that you were more human than monster.

It took you a long time to fall asleep that night. Your mind went over the darkest escapes from this half-life you felt like you were leading. The most innocent being that you just run. Become the ghost you used to be. Leave everyone behind and attempt to just do no more harm. From there it just got worse until you feel asleep trying to think what would be the most fitting death for a monster such as yourself.

You woke screaming and soaked in sweat. In your dreams, you were being tortured and made to kill again. This time every face was one you knew and none of them deserved that fate. Yet you made them suffer.

You went to kick off the covers and sit up when the door opened. It startled you and you instinctively moved in a defensive position, ready to fight the intruder.

“Hey. It’s just us.”

It took you a moment for dream and reality to separate. You furrowed your brow and tilted your head to the side. “Clint?”

“Yeah, it’s the idiot bird. We’re both here.” Bucky said moving towards your bed.

“I thought you’d abandoned me too.” You whispered making room for them. As they get closer you realized they smell like sex and it all fell into place. Whatever issue there was had been fixed. They were together again.

Bucky climbed into bed with you first and wrapped you in his arms. “I’m here as long as you need me, doll.”

Clint climbed in on the other side and tentatively draped an arm over you. “I’m really sorry. I got in my own head. It didn’t have anything to do with you. Like always, I was an idiot.”

You don’t say anything. You don’t even really know how you feel, except for a vague sense of being grateful that you aren’t alone right now. You run your fingers along Clint’s forearm and close your eyes. Letting the warmth of their bodies and the sound of their breathing ease you back to sleep.

The next morning you woke to them shifting around you. You didn’t want to open your eyes for fear that you’d find out it wasn’t real. Slowly though, you opened your eyes.

“Hey, sleepy,” Bucky said, his voice gravelly. “How’d you sleep.”

You sit up and take a breath. “Good. Well, better after…”

“I’m so sorry. Really. I just… told myself, you were better without me here.” Clint said sitting up and rubbing your back.

You shook your head and patted his thigh. “No. Definitely not.”

Clint went to say something and you shook your head again. “I should be though, don’t you think?”

Bucky pulled back suddenly and his hands started opening and closing on the sheets. “Don’t… please don’t do this - just when I got Clint back.”

You touched his thigh and he flinched from you. “Shh… it’s not that at all. I just think… I love that you are here for me. And if you’re getting something from me too. Good. All the better. But we can’t hinge our whole healing on one other person. We need to get better. Not just soothe ourselves by creating attachment issues.”

Bucky slowly raised his eyes to meet yours. “We can still keep doing this?”

You nodded your head and squeezed his thigh. “I don’t even know what this is. But yeah. I don’t want to lose it. I just want to get better.”

So the three of you focused. You put your energy into healing. With the help of Sam Wilson, you found a therapist that was actually able to help you with the deep issues the three of you had been through. Mostly you each saw her one on one. There were group sessions once a week though and they were painful in the way cleaning a wound is. It stung hearing what Bucky and Clint were dealing with. Because it was familiar and raw in you.

As the Winter Soldier, you had been devoid of emotion. Now it all came out in rivers. Sometimes it felt too much to even bear. Bear it you did and each day whether it be a good one where you actually felt like you might be getting better and there was a happy future for you or a bad one where all you could do was lie in bed weighed down by pain, you felt closer to Clint and Bucky.

The question came to you if it was possible for there to be two people for you? The answer you eventually came to was, it didn’t matter. If they were always just for each other, and you were always the friend, that was enough. Your love could be unrequited. It didn’t matter because it existed and in its existence, you became whole again.

One day you were in your quarters repairing a bowl you had broken. Clint and Bucky had come in. Knocking was getting less these days. There seemed to be a sixth sense you each had for when it was okay to seek each other out.

You didn’t look up, too absorbed in the task you were performing.

“Whatcha doing, doll?” Bucky asked, looking over your shoulder.

“I’ve been having trouble with the whole, ‘you’re not broken your bent’ philosophy. That I’ll be able to spring back. Because I feel broken.” You explained. Bucky and Clint both nodded in understanding. “In my last session, Ashley started talking about this Japanese philosophy of wabi-sabi where beauty is found in imperfection. That it’s transient and when things age or break you find a new beauty in them.”

“That’s good for the 100-year-old.” Clint teased and Bucky punched him in the arm.

You chuckled and pushed the two pieces of pottery together so the gold lacquer you had just applied to the broken edge squeezed out through the crack. “One of the things that we talked about me doing was Kintsugi. Or at least, this kinda western bastardized version of it. Traditionally they used gold or silver to fuse broken shards of pottery together. This is just epoxy and mica powder. But she thought it would be good to have a craft and that if I can make something beautiful out of something broken maybe I can start seeing that in myself.” You shrugged. “Sounds dumb, but this is pretty.” You held up the two pieces so they could see the join as the epoxy started to bond.

“It doesn’t sound dumb. And that’s really pretty, doll.” Bucky said.

“Looks like Bucky’s arm,” Clint added. Bucky glared at him. “It does. I mean kinda. Gold and dark grey. Come on.”

“It does a little bit.” You agreed. “What’s up?”

Clint and Bucky shuffled where they sat and looked at each other. “It’s just… Buck and me… You … Fuck.” Clint babbled.

“What the bird brain here is trying to say is that we love you,” Bucky said.

You just stared at them open-mouthed not sure what to say. You can’t remember ever hearing those words directed at you before. It’s likely it had happened once, back before you had been pulled apart and pieced together as a killer, but you’d been taken so young that those memories felt far away and like you were viewing them through gauze. You couldn’t figure out the context either. Why would they come here to tell you that? Slowly realization hit. It was the same reason why you were here holding two broken shards of pottery together. They’d been told to in therapy.

“I love you too.” You replied simply. You weren’t sure if that was the right thing to do or not. It was true though. You did love them. You would love them until the stars went out you felt. Even if it wasn’t the kind of love they were expressing now.

“No, doll,” Bucky said putting his hand on your knee. “We’re in love with you. You make us feel… like the pottery. Complete and beautiful. I know … I know this is weird. But we needed to be honest with you. We can stay friends, but if you’re open for more.”

It’s funny how when hearing something you want is true it can both feel like pleasure and pain all at once. They loved you, just like you loved them but you didn’t know how that could even be a thing.

“I don’t know… How do we… This isn’t…” You babbled.

“It’s weird yes. But you feel it right?” Bucky asked.

You nodded your head but you felt close to tears. There were too many emotions swirling around inside you and you felt like they were going to crush you.

“Nothing about us is particularly normal. I ran away to the circus as a kid.” Clint said. “This feels right though. And you know me, I run from everything.”

“I want this.” You breathed. The words come out barely a whisper but they both know what you said. The smile at each other. “I have never felt about anyone how I feel about you. The world has more colors in it with you. I want this.”

Bucky sat forward so he was closer to you, just perching on the end of your bed. “Can I kiss you?”

You nodded and he leaned in capturing your lips with his. It was soft and gentle and then it wasn’t. His hands went to your hair and his tongue teased your lips. You parted them and swirled your tongue with his. The pottery you were holding fell from your hands and broke on the floor. It didn’t matter, you would fix it later.

You moved forwards, sliding from your swivel chair to Bucky’s lap. You broke the kiss with Bucky and moved to Clint. His kiss was needy and more desperate than Bucky’s. You matched it, running your hand up his chest. Bucky ran his hands up your back and kissed your throat. “We want this, sweetheart.” He whispered. “We’re not rushing it though. Let’s take our time.”

You broke the kiss with Clint and he whined. “I’ve never been on a date before,” You said hopefully, looking at Bucky.

Bucky smiled at you. “We can do that. Let’s make this our normal, hey?”


	5. Chapter 5

Dating didn’t come naturally to any of you.  Bucky had had experience with it back before he was taken and broken down and rebuilt into a monster.  Clint dated but it was like that part of him had always just been missing.  Friends he could do easily.  He was everyone’s friend.  Tell him to put on a suit and take someone he was interested in out to dinner and he had a complete shutdown.  You hadn’t ever done it before.  You didn’t know what you were supposed to do on a date.

So the three of you had tried all kinds of combinations. That was the thing about rebuilding yourself.  You could try all kinds of combinations of patterns to find the one that best fits you.

You started with a ‘get dressed up and go out to a nice restaurant for dinner’ date.  Clint had appeared to almost crawl out of his skin he was so awkward in that suit.  When he saw the multiple forks and knives laid out on the table he’d asked Bucky which was the right one to kill yourself with so you didn’t have to be in this restaurant anymore.

After that, you’d done the going to a theme part with each other.  The crowds and noise had ended up triggering both you and Bucky and Clint ended up calling Stark to send someone to come get the three of you.  That night had been full of nightmares for you and Bucky.

You had tried, picnics, playing sports, going for bike rides, horse rides, going out on a boat, playing sports, live music.  Everything had or hadn’t worked on different levels.  Eventually, you had settled on just dinner and watching movies at home as the perfect date for the three of you.  Sometimes Bucky would cook.  Sometimes Clint ordered Pizza.   It worked because it was casual, quiet and you got to touch as little or as much as you felt like.  Sometimes the three of you would all sit, lounging on different chairs because physical intimacy wasn’t sitting right for any of you.  Sometimes the movie would play out unwatched as the three of you ended up making out and dry humping your way through three sets of pants.

No one rushed anything.  It sometimes felt like two steps forward and one step back.  It didn’t matter to any of you.  There was a lot of healing to do.  Besides, Bucky and Clint had their thing together.  They were just reshaping it to fit you in, and forcing a triangle into a circle hole was never going to work.  They just needed to keep rotating the cube until they found the space that you felt comfortable in.

Eventually, piece by fragile piece, you started to feel whole again.  When they looked at you and you saw that love in their eyes, you stopped doubting that it was real.

You had thought that one day, while you were together making out, things would naturally progress into more.  It never did.  When they stopped you always felt content with the way it had stopped.  In the past sex had been an asset to be used.  You had no say in what happened or how, though you had experienced all of it.  With Bucky and Clint, each time they stopped if it was because you wanted to, or one of them wanted to.  You felt more and more in control than you have ever felt before.  This was something you’d come to together, when you were all ready and not a moment sooner than that.

You woke up one day and it felt right.  Today you were ready.  If they wanted you, then tonight it would happen.

You put on a dress.  It was light and airy and didn’t cling to your figure, and even though you didn’t feel completely comfortable in it, when you looked in the mirror you saw you.  You also attempted makeup.  When Natasha saw you in the hall, she’d spun you around and taken you to her room and fixed it.

When you finally stepped into Bucky’s quarters Clint was perched on the arm of one of the recliners, drinking a beer, while Bucky was in the kitchen putting the finishing touches on dinner.   The room smelled like basil and oregano and cooked tomato and onions mixed with other herbs and spices.

Clint looked up and smiled.  “Hey, look at you, girly girl.  You look so pretty.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”  You said coming up behind him and wrapping your arms around his neck.  You leaned down and went to kiss his cheek but Clint turned his head capturing your lips.  His hand went to the back of your neck and he ran his thumb down it as he kissed you deeply.

He pulled back gently and looked into your eyes.  “I meant it as one.”

You pressed your forehead against his for a moment smiling, feeling genuine happiness.  It was a feeling that was becoming more common each day.  You pulled away and headed into the kitchen.

Bucky looked up from what he’s doing and a large smile spread across his features.  “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you.  I bought this a while ago and when I put it on, it looked wrong. Like I was a pretending to be something I’m not.  Today I looked at myself and I felt like me.” You explained.  Saying that to most people would make you feel awkward and self-conscious.  You knew Bucky understood.

He nodded.  “It really suits you.” He said. “Come here and give me a hand.”

You made your way over and as soon as you were in reach, he hooked his arm around your waist and pulled you against him, kissing you deeply.  You melted into him, wrapping your arms around his neck.  Bucky had a way of knowing what your physical boundaries were, moment to moment, in a way that even Clint hadn’t gotten down perfectly.  There were days, a lot of them really, that a move like that would have triggered a fight response.  Today it just felt good and right.  How things were supposed to be.  You hummed against his lips, matching his passion.  He pulled back and smiled down at you.  “If you could take the salad and bread out, I’ll bring everything else.”  He said.

“Why not just put the salad on our plates.  You know Clint’s not going to eat it.”  You said.

Bucky smiled and picked up the plates.  “I like to live in hope.”  He said.

You followed him out and you and Bucky sat on the couch.  Clint pressed start on the movie and picked up a plate ignoring the salad.  You had been making your way through Alfred Hitchcock’s catalog of films to catch up with popular culture references.

Gradually, as the food was eaten and you settled in comfortably with each other, Clint moved from the arm of the recliner to the arm of the couch, to sitting beside you, to curled in around you and one hand resting on Bucky’s stomach.  His other hand started to creep up your leg.  Very slowly to begin with.  It started on your knee about halfway through the film and by the three-quarter mark, it was just under the hemline of your skirt.  You looked down and at his hand and then back up at him, biting your bottom lip.  “What’s going on there?”

Clint smirked and nuzzled into your neck.  “Easy access.”  He whispered.

You started giggling and wrapped your arms around him pulling him tightly against you, so the two of you were pressed up against Bucky and kissed Clint’s neck.  “That’s why I wore it.”

Clint pulled back and looked down at you, then at Bucky and then back at you again.  “Then why are we watching ‘The Birds’?  You could be doing one of them.”

You started laughing.  It was so natural and comfortable.  It made you feel light inside.  You wished you could hold onto this feeling forever, though you knew that these things never really lasted.  There would still be bad days, but these moments were becoming more common and you cherished them.

“I really have no idea.”  You answered.

Clint jumped up and scooped you up off the couch.  “Come on, surly.  Let’s go ravish this woman.”   Clint teased and began carrying you down to Bucky’s bedroom.

Bucky shook his head and got up, looking a little like a dad who has given up trying to understand his weird children.  He followed you down to the room and gently closed the door.  Clint let you slip to the floor and began kissing you, his hands pushing up under your skirt and squeezing your ass.  Bucky came up behind you and kissed your neck his hands skimming over your breasts.

“You’re sure?”  He whispered against the shell of your ear.

You reached behind you and grabbed Bucky’s t-shirt, bunching it in your fist and breaking the kiss with Clint.  “Yes,”  you gasped, as your head fell back against Bucky’s shoulder.  “I want this so bad.”

“Well then,”  Bucky said, a faint growl in his voice.  “We are wearing way too many clothes.”

There was a frantic scramble to disrobe.  Hands touched everywhere and things were torn.  The dress you had been hoarding in your closet was tossed, unceremoniously across the room where it fell into a puddle on the floor.

When you were all naked Bucky lifted you and carried you to the bed, setting you on the edge and kneeling down between your spread legs.  He kissed his way up your thighs, gentle pecks to begin with, by the time his check was pressed against your cunt, he was sucking hard and using his teeth to scrape over your sensitive skin.

Clint sat down beside you, one hand went to your hair and the other to Bucky’s and the two of you started to kiss.  When Bucky was marking the insides of your thighs, Clint’s mouth had moved to your neck, and he was leaving his own map on your skin.  By the time Bucky’s tongue swiped up your folds, Clint’s mouth was latched onto your breast.

Between the two of them, you fell apart.  Bucky used his mouth the taste as much of you as he could before he focused on your clit.  Pulling it into his mouth and flicking his tongue over it.  He pushed a finger inside of you an stroked your walls, seeking out your g-spot and as you cunt squeezed and fluttered around his fingers and your moans filled the room he added another, adding a stretch to the feeling of pleasure he was sending coursing through you.

Clint sucked and bit on one nipple as he massaged the other breast and then switched until your nipples were hard and your breasts ached, but in that way that made you want more.  The buzz each man sent through you, swirled through your body, meeting and pooling in your stomach.  This wasn’t the first time you’d ever had sex, but it was the first time you were ever really present for it.  It was the first time it was you and the people you were with cared about that.  It was the first time you’d ever wanted it.  You didn’t want it to stop.  Your hands clutched at them and ran over their bodies.  When your orgasm broke they dug into their flesh as you arched up and your muscles clenched.

They both worked you through it and as your body settled, Bucky moved up beside you.   “We can stop if you like?”  He asked, stroking his fingers through your hair.

You shook your head.  “No.  I want it all.”

“How do you want us, sweetheart?”  Clint asked, tickling his fingers over your stomach.

“Both, at once.”  You answered looking at him.

“You sure you can take it?”  Bucky asked.

You nodded.  “Yes, I’m sure.”  You didn’t need to say how you knew, that could be left unspoken and pushed aside so that you could be here with them and not stuck in that time.  Clint rolled into you and then back over, dragging you with him so you were straddling his waist and pressed down on top of him.  He kissed you again and teased his cock up and down your folds before slowly sinking into your cunt.

You rolled your hips on top of him as your kept your bodies pressed tightly together.  Bucky moved around, first grabbing some lube and slicking his cock, before moving behind you.  He used the lube on your cunt and slipped a finger inside your cunt, alongside Clint’s cock.  You and Clint moaned loudly and Clint buried his face into your neck.

“You’re sure?”  Bucky confirmed.  “You want this?”

“Oh god, yes.  Please, Bucky.”  You mewled.

Bucky lined up his cock against Clint’s.  There was a pinch and stretch as he pushed forward slowly and eased himself inside you.

“Oh, fuck, Buck!  Feels so fuckin’ good.”  Clint moaned.

Bucky took in a harsh breath and let it out slowly.  “Fuck, yeah.  It does.”  He groaned and started to thrust.

It was both too much and not enough all at once.  It felt like lava flowed through you but at the same time, you shivered between them.  They kissed every part of you they could reach and leaned over and kissed each other too.  Their hands moved from your skin to each other and back.  You were three people but also one.  It felt good in a way that nothing had before, and like it was going to break you apart.

Bucky and Clint made sounds that were both primal and animalistic but they were mixed with whispered words of love and appreciation.  Grunts and moans were peppered with ‘oh god, like that’, ‘feels so good’, ‘yes’, ‘harder’ ‘more’.

You came again, but they kept moving, fucking you, filling you.  One orgasm turned into two and then three.  Until you felt high on endorphins and like you were floating.  Your head lolled on your shoulders and you hid your face in Clint’s neck.  You felt both love and lust and everything that fell on the spectrum between them and as your cunt clenched with the fourth orgasm Clint released with you, his cock pulsing as he emptied inside you.  Bucky let out a deep groan unable to hold on either and with three more thrusts, he came too, his fluids mixing with yours and Clint’s and dripping from you.

They pulled out with a sigh and rolled onto their sides, spooning you from each side.  Bucky pressed a kiss to your neck.  “How do you feel?”  He asked.

“So good.  Thank you.”  You whispered.

He shook his head.  “No, that’s not how we do this.”

You smiled and kissed him.  “Okay.”

There was a scrape of teeth over your shoulder as Clint kissed you.  “I - no wait, bad time.”  He said.  You and Bucky both looked over at him and she shook his head.  “I just - I love you.  Both.  And… you don’t say that after sex.”

Bucky started laughing.  “I love you too, idiot.”  He said and kissed him.  He brought his lips to your ear.  “And I love you.”  He added as a whisper.

You weren’t ready to say it yet.  That would take time, but you knew you felt it.  Instead, you nuzzled against them, tangling yourself together with your two broken boys.  Happy in the something new.


End file.
